美式幽默

转载自汤教授http://spaces.msn.com/thomasmaple/

 

今天经过某教授的办公室,看见他们上贴满了东西,于是看了一下,差点没有笑S,网上搜了一篇,贴在下面:

Giant Buttered Cat Array
Results of a contest for "theories" sponsored by Omni magazine.

GRAND PRIZE WINNER:
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet. And when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago. [see below for further info on buttered cats – Ed.]

 

RUNNERS-UP:
#1 If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world’s great literary works in Braille.

#2 Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people’s ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.

#3 Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster rate.

#4 The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater’s rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.

 

HONORABLE MENTION:
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r’s migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."

The Buttered Cat Principle – Examined in more depth

The Facts… If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor butter- side down. If a cat is dropped from a window or other high and towering place, it will land on it’s feet.

The Problem Stated… But what if you attach a buttered piece of bread, butter-side up to a cat’s back and toss them both out the window? Will the cat land on it’s feet? Or will the butter splat on the ground?

The Answer… Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that the cat can not smash its furry back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.
That’s right you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal can get), you have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat’s limbs, allowing descent.
Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies.
The one obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs they will instantly plummet. Of course the cats will land on their feet, but this usually doesn’t do them much good, since right after they make their graceful landing several tons of red- hot starship and ticked off aliens crash on top of them.

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6 thoughts on “美式幽默

  1. 根特可以哈缓姐,就是在荷兰语区不过荷兰语区的人英语比法语区的人说得好哈,还有读master应该都是英语授课的。

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